Internal conflict

• Some times, complex questions have simple answers; at others, even simple questions do not have simple answers
• Some times, you want to face adversities with a smile; at others, you want to bury your face in tears
• Some times, you want to take control of your life; at others, you want to relinquish responsibility at least for a short while
• Some times, you want to isolate yourself; at others, you are desperate for a reassuring hand and a hug
• Some times, you feel life itself is futile; at others, all your problems seem trivial
• Some times, you are terrified of what you have become; at others, you are proud
• Some times, everyone gives up on you; at others, you try hard not to give up on yourself
• Some times, you want the earth to split open and swallow you; at others, you want to pick up the pieces and start over
• Some times, you feel you can handle it all yourself; at others, you want a shoulder to lean on
• Some times, you want to push yourself just a little harder; at others, you want to just give it all up
• Some times, you are haunted by the past; at others, you only see the bright future
• Some times, you hold your head high in confidence; at others, you are just broken into pieces
• Some times, you try to preserve your dignity; at others, you wonder if there is any left
• Some times, you question your worth again and again; at others, you have absolutely no doubt
• Some times, years fly by as if they were seconds; at others, every second feels like a century
• Some times, you feel like you have reached the end; at others, you realise it is only the beginning

TGFF

• A disturbed sleep
• A painful dream
• A bad morning
• A melancholic afternoon
• A depressing evening

• A phone call
• A pizza
• A bench by the lakeside
• A breath of fresh air
• An unexpected photo op
• A dear friend who makes time for you at unseemly hours

Thank God for friends, a day that started bad and got progressively worse, actually ended way better than I had imagined.

A special wish

Yours is a unique mix

You have spent the last years six

Words I have none to say

But I’ll say them anyway

Like moonlight on water

Like fireworks in the sky

Let your love remain tender

Yet let the sparks fly

Like a sunflower in full bloom

Like the fragrance of a rose

May your life be a sweet poem

With the depth of a poignant prose

No words no images

Neither science nor art

Can tell you that for ages

You have been the darlings of many a heart

Things may go right

Things may go wrong

But come whatever might

Your love will go on strong

ಬೆಳಗಲಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮನೆ
ಅರಳಲಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮನ
प्यार आपका रहे सलामत
शादी का सालगिरा मुबारक

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An anniversary wish for my dear sister and brother-in-law.

Just some thoughts

• If you read between the lines, you are too cynical; if you don’t, you are too naive.
• A simple question does not always have a simple answer.
• If they were not commenting on, judging or otherwise needlessly intruding  on the private lives of famous people, many would be out of a job.
• When a wife does a great job of working in and out of the house, it is her duty to the family; when a husband does housework, oh his wife is so lucky!
• If you believe that people mostly mean what they say and they don’t have any reason to lie to you, you are considered hopelessly naive.
• How can something be right just because everyone else is doing it?
• Staying silent when something had to be told and saying something when silence would have served better, are both equally harmful.

Early morning glimpses

When living in a house with a kid, there is always some toys lying on the floors.

This was the scene that greeted me early this morning.

Of ring tones and memories

When I left home for grad school, cell phones were a rarity.  Somewhere during the years I spent away from home, cell phones became a rage. Suddenly everyone had one, and there was this weird phenomenon of changing the numbers every so often.

I had to keep updating my diary, scratching out old numbers and entering new ones, only to get other new numbers. In all this cell phone madness, one thing I really enjoyed was music. When I called some of my friends, instead of a ring sound, there would be a song playing. Although I didn’t call a whole lot of people on a regular basis, there are three people whom I called fairly often and I loved to hear their ring tones.

My brother’s heart tugging Do pal ruka… He has changed it now, but I remember I used to call his cell at odd hours just to hear the song. Got to tell him to change it back.

RS’s lively Ajeeb dastaan hai yeh… He got this song for the sole reason that it is my favourite. He has had it for more than 4 years now. He always picks up at the last ring so that I can get to hear the song.

RC’s evergreen Hume tumse pyaar kitna… He is an avid traveller and most of the times I call him, I don’t get to talk to him, but I still call to just hear the song.

Although I listen to these songs often on my computer, when I call them, there is a special feeling which I cannot quite explain. Thanks guys, for giving me these special memories.

Reunion

She had waited seven years and crossed seven seas just for this moment.

She had lived through excruciating pain and torture clinging to the hope of seeing her husband again.

She was excited as she rang the doorbell.

The door opened and there he was…as handsome as ever

…with his new wife and daughter.

P. S. : My maiden attempt at 55 word fiction

Moments

She let out a long and tired sigh of frustration.

It had been 14 hours since her experiment had begun. It was well after 11 pm now, on Friday night. She turned off the hotplate, decided to leave the dark brown reaction mixture overnight and clean up in the morning.

She had tried every method, every strategy that she could think of. It was high time something worked. It was utterly discouraging to keep going day after day with such disappointing results.

What was she going to tell her boss? That instead of one method to produce the desired product, she had 100 methods of not producing it? This had gone on for too long.

She reached home just after midnight and fell into a troubled sleep.

Another day, another plan. It was time to resume the fight. She reached the lab just after 9 am, pretty early for a Saturday. She went back to her failed reaction to clean up the mess. She stopped in her tracks.

There they were, the pile of glistening red crystals soaking in a yellow solution.

It is moments like these that make years of frustration worthwhile.

Dream girl

Ever since I came back to good old Houghton, I have been haunted by dreams. More often than not, I dream of either my grandma or my niece. Sadly, I can see my grandma only in my dreams now; and I wake up in tears every time.

My niece, however is another matter altogether. The last time I saw her was more than a year and a half ago and she has grown so much now. Not to mention how much she has changed. From the time I have known she was going to enter our lives, I always dreamed about holding her in my arms and singing a lullaby to her. I don’t know why I didn’t do it when I had the chance, but that picture remains in my imagination.

I always pictured myself singing this song for her. This is a favourite of mine and this particular version more so because the artist is a dear friend of mine.

So, in all my life to come, my sweet little niece will remain forever, my very own dream girl.

Musing aloud

Relationships change, whether you like it or not. Most times you don’t even notice that they have changed. However some special relationships brave the tides of time and stand strong. Nevertheless, they change too. When they do, one just accepts the change and moves on, thinking that the change is for the good. However, at times somewhere down the road, you realize how much you miss what it was before it changed.

And you just get a glimpse of what you had from the most unexpected quarters. I have had this kind of a realization over the last few months. I never realized how much I missed what I once had; it took totally unexpected persons/circumstances to tug at my heartstrings. Now, it hurts me more than ever that I won’t have it back the way it was. I try to tell myself that it is the way of life; the only thing that is permanent is change. But still, the heart wants what it wants.

I just can’t help but wonder why things are the way they are are.

कोइ ये कैसे बताये के वह तन्हा क्यों है
वह जो अपना था वह किसी का क्यों है
यही दुनिया है तो फिर ऐसे यह दुनिया क्यों है?
यही होता है तो, आखिर यही होता क्यों है?

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तुम मसर्र्त का कहो या इसे गम का रिश्ता
केहते है प्यार का रिश्ता है जनम का रिश्ता
है जनम का जो ये रिश्ता तो बदलता क्यों है?

This song has been playing over and over in my head, nonstop. I have always been mesmerised by the melody of this song; but the lyrics have never made as much sense to me as they do now.